...and I don't feel any different."- Death Cab For Cutie
What do you do when you get to a point in your life where you feel like- no matter how hopeful you were about the new year, it turned out just like every other, and you struggled just like every other year to reach countdown, grasping at it like it was your last breathe, your last chance- get me OUT of this godforsaken year!
Ok so maybe thats a LITTLE dramatic.. but kind of true, for me at least.
It seems year after year I manage to have got myself into some kind of funk that is so terribly deep and wide that it nearly consumes me, and that by the end of the year- the promise of a new one is the only thing that gets me through those last few weeks, days etc.
And as much as I hate drama, I live for it.
As much as I hate hurting, I love watching my resilience come to bear- almost like when the sun hits a stained glass window at just the right angle, and you can see for a moment- the whole, beautifully coloured picture.
But i've been thinking lately...
what happens if one year... i dont make it to countdown?
I don't want to get to the point where my today's end... and realise i was always living for tomorrow... (or midnight on the 31st of december for that matter!)
So THIS YEAR does not come with the hope of another one to save me from me last.
This year comes with no safety net of resolutions and scheduled epiphony.
This year rests solely in one word: Action.
TODAY.. i am making my TODAY count.
I am telling the people that i love, that I LOVE THEM and the reasons why.
I am saying what i'm thinking, when i think it. (yes, even more than i do already, beware kids)
I am getting off my ass and GOING FOR A RIDE OUTSIDE.
I'm starting assignments when I get them, and AIMING HIGHER than I have before.
I am getting my music OUT THERE... wherever that may be.
I am SAVING and I am TRAVELLING, to places I have not been before... even if it's only an hour or so from home.
I am LETTING GO of all the STUFF I have in my life.. and focusing on the people.
I'm cutting strings so that i can try and me someone who is lighter than I was...
so that i can breeze in and out of other peoples lives and maybe help them do the same.
I'm getting my tumbleweed on...
ACTION PEOPLE!
ACTION!
x bRee
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Black out
So I dont write a lot of blogs.
In fact, i barely ever blog these days unless something really stirs me.
So here's something thats been on my mind lately...
Weird things have been happening to me of late.. Strange electronic malfunctions and technological errors.
It all started a few months ago now when I was polishing off a wicked assignment and my computer died.
Just made a weird noise and ceased to exist.
Poof.
Gone.
And though I paid some money, and got it wiped and fixed- ever since then- the rest of the machines and any other technology that I interact with started failing. Its as though my computer was the instigator of a complete electronic strike against Bree. Technology has officially decided it hates me...
When i went to hand that assignment in, the entire printing system for QUT failed. No one in the entire Queensland University of Technology could print anything, except one computer in printing services.
I'll be clever, i thought- and email it to someone at printing services and get them to print it off.
"QUT's email service is down".. "No one can receive or send emails at the moment. We dont know how long it will take to fix."
"Of course." I smile.
After finally finding a printer that worked, I hand in my assignment 5 minutes before the deadline.
I came home to jam with a friend and switched on the light bulb in my room. Bang! light bulb explodes and falls out of the ceiling.
This is not a work of fiction.
So I go on over to my mates house to hang out for a bit and upon entering her room, i reach for the light swith and.... you guess it. Blew her lightbulb too.
No. I am not making this up.
Weird coincidence you say?
Yeh i guess. Except that in the same week i counted 5 streetlights which failed as i walked underneath them.
FIVE OF THEM!
& they didnt just stop working either, they failed whilst was within a 5 meter radius of them and flickered back on when i walked away..
The mixing desk at one of my favorite venues to play, ceases to work most days I am there, and will only sometimes work - and when it does its always MY mic and MY guitar that takes approximately one hour to finally, grudgingly work.
I bought a car last week too.
Upon trying to register my car in New South Wales, I was faced with the information that, regrettably, something terrible has happened to the entire state wide computer systems for the RTA.
"The computers are all malfunctioning...this has never happened before- I'm really sorry."
"It's OK, You know, at this point it would suprise me if it DID work"
I broke mums kettle while I was at home last week too.
It doesn't automatically turn off anymore. It will just boil until the waters all gone.
I didnt drop it or anything either, it just stopped turning off after I used it when i first arrived at home.
The Go card machines were down this morning
and Queensland Transport's computer systems malfunctioned when they tried to verify my licence.
I have made none of this up.
My computer is about to run out of battery.
*sigh*
x bRee
In fact, i barely ever blog these days unless something really stirs me.
So here's something thats been on my mind lately...
Weird things have been happening to me of late.. Strange electronic malfunctions and technological errors.
It all started a few months ago now when I was polishing off a wicked assignment and my computer died.
Just made a weird noise and ceased to exist.
Poof.
Gone.
And though I paid some money, and got it wiped and fixed- ever since then- the rest of the machines and any other technology that I interact with started failing. Its as though my computer was the instigator of a complete electronic strike against Bree. Technology has officially decided it hates me...
When i went to hand that assignment in, the entire printing system for QUT failed. No one in the entire Queensland University of Technology could print anything, except one computer in printing services.
I'll be clever, i thought- and email it to someone at printing services and get them to print it off.
"QUT's email service is down".. "No one can receive or send emails at the moment. We dont know how long it will take to fix."
"Of course." I smile.
After finally finding a printer that worked, I hand in my assignment 5 minutes before the deadline.
I came home to jam with a friend and switched on the light bulb in my room. Bang! light bulb explodes and falls out of the ceiling.
This is not a work of fiction.
So I go on over to my mates house to hang out for a bit and upon entering her room, i reach for the light swith and.... you guess it. Blew her lightbulb too.
No. I am not making this up.
Weird coincidence you say?
Yeh i guess. Except that in the same week i counted 5 streetlights which failed as i walked underneath them.
FIVE OF THEM!
& they didnt just stop working either, they failed whilst was within a 5 meter radius of them and flickered back on when i walked away..
The mixing desk at one of my favorite venues to play, ceases to work most days I am there, and will only sometimes work - and when it does its always MY mic and MY guitar that takes approximately one hour to finally, grudgingly work.
I bought a car last week too.
Upon trying to register my car in New South Wales, I was faced with the information that, regrettably, something terrible has happened to the entire state wide computer systems for the RTA.
"The computers are all malfunctioning...this has never happened before- I'm really sorry."
"It's OK, You know, at this point it would suprise me if it DID work"
I broke mums kettle while I was at home last week too.
It doesn't automatically turn off anymore. It will just boil until the waters all gone.
I didnt drop it or anything either, it just stopped turning off after I used it when i first arrived at home.
The Go card machines were down this morning
and Queensland Transport's computer systems malfunctioned when they tried to verify my licence.
I have made none of this up.
My computer is about to run out of battery.
*sigh*
x bRee
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
MJ
Well.. it seems that i am getting slacker and slacker when it comes to updating this blog. I make no excuses.. i'm actually on holidays and have more time then ever. But for whats been going down in my life lately ( and i assure you.. i have had A LOT going on) ..i just dont have a lot of words, or energy to try and make the few people who read this blog understand.
I've been kind of sad and a little stressed out. First it was exams.. then it was my heart and someone who wasnt careful with it.. and there's still a lot of residual negativeness hanging around. Its incredibly smothering. I need something.. and i really have no idea what it is. I have a feeling it might be in its case in my room.. and may also need restringing..
I just finished watching the MJ memorial on tv.. and i thought to myself.. how am i going to explain to my kids one day how truly unique and legendary the man was? The countless hours i spent screaming his songs at the top of my lungs... trying to move like him. He played a huge role in my upbringing... alot of legendary musicians did.
If you didnt watch the memorial.. do yourself a favour and at least go watch John Mayer's tribute rendition of Mj's 'Human Nature.'
it's a beautiful thing.
i think i'll go to bed.
x
I've been kind of sad and a little stressed out. First it was exams.. then it was my heart and someone who wasnt careful with it.. and there's still a lot of residual negativeness hanging around. Its incredibly smothering. I need something.. and i really have no idea what it is. I have a feeling it might be in its case in my room.. and may also need restringing..
I just finished watching the MJ memorial on tv.. and i thought to myself.. how am i going to explain to my kids one day how truly unique and legendary the man was? The countless hours i spent screaming his songs at the top of my lungs... trying to move like him. He played a huge role in my upbringing... alot of legendary musicians did.
If you didnt watch the memorial.. do yourself a favour and at least go watch John Mayer's tribute rendition of Mj's 'Human Nature.'
it's a beautiful thing.
i think i'll go to bed.
x
Monday, May 25, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Stomach Spasm
Wow..
its been a while since I've written a blog...
Time is getting too fast- sometimes i just want to shake my fist at it and yell "hooligan!"
Lifes like sherbet at the moment- In that its terribly exciting and sweet ..and even a little sticky.
I feel as though i might have autumn leaves inside me..
Everything feels very beautiful.
I'm playing in public more. Tomorrow night i'll play another open mic night at the music kafe in West End. On Saturday I'll play a 40 min showcase set there- at 4pm.
My fingers are extremely sore and its been far too long since i did any uni work..
but I'm smiling so big my head kind of hurts my hearts doing that thing where it does a little dance everytime i get a text message from someone.
Whenever i get a spare moment, i close my eyes and i'm in an afternoon sunfilled bedroom listening to jimmy eat world with a boy who's smile rivals mine on the dork-o-metre..
If i could just get to that room tonight.. ( and therein lies the sticky part of this equation)
Right now im listening to the rain and thanking my lucky stars i'm not still where i was just a few short months ago.
Change is a beautiful thing..
x bRee
its been a while since I've written a blog...
Time is getting too fast- sometimes i just want to shake my fist at it and yell "hooligan!"
Lifes like sherbet at the moment- In that its terribly exciting and sweet ..and even a little sticky.
I feel as though i might have autumn leaves inside me..
Everything feels very beautiful.
I'm playing in public more. Tomorrow night i'll play another open mic night at the music kafe in West End. On Saturday I'll play a 40 min showcase set there- at 4pm.
My fingers are extremely sore and its been far too long since i did any uni work..
but I'm smiling so big my head kind of hurts my hearts doing that thing where it does a little dance everytime i get a text message from someone.
Whenever i get a spare moment, i close my eyes and i'm in an afternoon sunfilled bedroom listening to jimmy eat world with a boy who's smile rivals mine on the dork-o-metre..
If i could just get to that room tonight.. ( and therein lies the sticky part of this equation)
Right now im listening to the rain and thanking my lucky stars i'm not still where i was just a few short months ago.
Change is a beautiful thing..
x bRee
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Fuax Charm
Ok, Ok.. so the dating world or whatever you want to call it- is not always an easy one.
We all know that when it comes to attracting the opposite sex- sometimes it can be miss as often as it is hit.
If we didn't struggle- it wouldnt be so rewarding when something finally clicks, right?
Thats the name of the game..
BUT--->
This blog is dedicated to the cheaters of the system... (No, not the "unfaithful")- I'm talking about the 'used car salesmen' of the dating scene..
The fabricators of fact,
the DECEPTICONS...
WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO BLATANTLY LIE ABOUT WHO YOU ARE IN ORDER TO ATTRACT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
This last weekend just gone- I met a guy who completly fabricated an entire life story with a very authentic sounding irish accent.. False name, false job, false nationality...
How charming that accent seemed to me. How tall and Irish you were..YOU FILTHY FUCKING LIAR.
I was blissfully unaware of that men actually do this (and keep it up for the entire night, regardless of how intoxicated they become) in order to lure the innocent member of the opposite sex into their web of lies.
I've never felt hunted before...
I was NOT happy.
So, this blog is about that nobody special, who lied to me and made me look like a fool.
The fact that you had to fabricate some false identity and accent to get my attention, means your the kind of guy who generally doesnt think that YOU as YOURSELF would be enough to catch my eye. . . And if YOU beleive that... So do I... and so will other girls.
Secondly, for you to have the audacity to text me repeatedly after that night and apologise for being such an ass, and to ask me to let you make it up to me by taking me out is both ludicrous and sad. I know nothing about you other than the fact that your a great liar. Forgive me if i dont feel the need to let you buy me tea and scones and shower me with MORE lies about how your not that kind of person.
Newsflash: You were that person on saturday night.. that's all the evidence I need.
Now, because of you, I might question every gorgeous foreign man's accent from here on out.
And you know what?
For all your apologies and doting texts- your STILL just that guy standing in a bar wishing he were someone else.. and that might be with biggest turn off I've ever experienced.
This one deserves better...
x bRee
We all know that when it comes to attracting the opposite sex- sometimes it can be miss as often as it is hit.
If we didn't struggle- it wouldnt be so rewarding when something finally clicks, right?
Thats the name of the game..
BUT--->
This blog is dedicated to the cheaters of the system... (No, not the "unfaithful")- I'm talking about the 'used car salesmen' of the dating scene..
The fabricators of fact,
the DECEPTICONS...
WHEN DID IT BECOME OK TO BLATANTLY LIE ABOUT WHO YOU ARE IN ORDER TO ATTRACT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
This last weekend just gone- I met a guy who completly fabricated an entire life story with a very authentic sounding irish accent.. False name, false job, false nationality...
How charming that accent seemed to me. How tall and Irish you were..YOU FILTHY FUCKING LIAR.
I was blissfully unaware of that men actually do this (and keep it up for the entire night, regardless of how intoxicated they become) in order to lure the innocent member of the opposite sex into their web of lies.
I've never felt hunted before...
I was NOT happy.
So, this blog is about that nobody special, who lied to me and made me look like a fool.
The fact that you had to fabricate some false identity and accent to get my attention, means your the kind of guy who generally doesnt think that YOU as YOURSELF would be enough to catch my eye. . . And if YOU beleive that... So do I... and so will other girls.
Secondly, for you to have the audacity to text me repeatedly after that night and apologise for being such an ass, and to ask me to let you make it up to me by taking me out is both ludicrous and sad. I know nothing about you other than the fact that your a great liar. Forgive me if i dont feel the need to let you buy me tea and scones and shower me with MORE lies about how your not that kind of person.
Newsflash: You were that person on saturday night.. that's all the evidence I need.
Now, because of you, I might question every gorgeous foreign man's accent from here on out.
And you know what?
For all your apologies and doting texts- your STILL just that guy standing in a bar wishing he were someone else.. and that might be with biggest turn off I've ever experienced.
This one deserves better...
x bRee
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